Ever done something nice for your boss and thought "that should earn me some brownie points"? Or had your partner suddenly start doing chores without being asked? Bet you wondered what they were after. We all use brownie points every single day, even if we don't realize it. But what are brownie points really?
Let me share a quick story. Last year, I covered my colleague's shift when her kid got sick. Didn't think much of it until promotion season rolled around. Suddenly my manager mentioned my "team player attitude" - those unpaid hours translated into real career capital. That's brownie points in action.
The Actual Definition of Brownie Points
Brownie points are imaginary social currency you earn when doing favors or exceeding expectations. They're not real, but they impact real relationships. Think of them like:
- Getting your partner coffee = +5 points
- Working late on a project = +10 points
- Remembering mother-in-law's birthday = +20 points
Where did this weird term come from? Back in Girl Scouts, Brownies earned achievement points. By the 1960s, businessmen warped it into office slang for sucking up. Honestly, I find it kinda gross when people chase them too obviously.
Where You'll Encounter Brownie Points Daily
| Setting | How Points Work | Real-Life Example |
|---|---|---|
| Workplace | Volunteering for extra tasks, covering shifts | Staying late to finish a report = points redeemable for flexible schedule later |
| Relationships | Unexpected acts of service, gifts | Making breakfast = points redeemable for choosing weekend movie |
| Family | Visits, favors, compliance | Attending cousin's recital = points redeemable for skipping future event |
| Friendships | Remembering details, helping move | Helping paint apartment = points redeemable for borrowing equipment |
My neighbor Dave kept tally on his fridge (seriously). Every time he walked his wife's dog, he'd make a mark. When he wanted poker night? Bam. Redeemed points. Kinda transactional if you ask me.
The Unwritten Rules of Brownie Points
Brownie points aren't foolproof. Screw it up and you look calculating. Here's what actually works:
DOs and DON'Ts of Earning Points
- ✅ DO: Be genuine (people smell manipulation)
- ✅ DO: Keep mental score private (never say "you owe me")
- ✅ DO: Let small gestures accumulate naturally
- ❌ DON'T: Keep visible tallies (like Dave)
- ❌ DON'T: Expect instant repayment
- ❌ DON'T: Overextend to earn points
Avoiding the fake vibe matters. I tried baking cookies for my entire team last Christmas. Burned two batches, bought store-bought, and got caught when my coworker recognized the packaging. Negative points for that stunt.
Top 7 Ways People Actually Earn Brownie Points
- Anticipating needs (filling coworker's printer paper before asked)
- Remembering specifics ("How was your daughter's soccer final?")
- Taking ownership ("I'll handle that messy client")
- Small time-savers (Picking up coffee when making your own)
- Private praise (Telling boss about colleague's help)
- No-strings favors (Drive without "you owe me" comments)
- Following through effortlessly (No reminders needed)
When Brownie Points Go Bad
Not all attempts succeed. Once I volunteered to organize the office party - sounded like easy points, right? Forgot the vegan options and booked a DJ the CFO hated. Ended up in points debt.
⚠️ Warning Signs Your Points System Is Broken:
- People roll eyes when you "help"
- Your favors get refused constantly
- Colleagues joke about your "networking"
- You keep verbal score ("Remember when I...?")
Brownie points expire too. That huge favor you did 3 years ago? Worth zero now. My brother still brings up helping me move in 2015. Dude, I bought you pizza and beer - we're square.
Brownie Points vs. Real Relationship Building
Here's the uncomfortable truth: what are brownie points if not relationship bandaids? Actual connection beats point-scoring every time:
| Brownie Points Approach | Authentic Relationship Approach |
|---|---|
| Keeping mental ledger of favors | Helping without expectation |
| Strategic acts for future gain | Consistent kindness regardless of benefit |
| Short-term transactional mindset | Long-term trust building |
| "What can I get?" focus | "How can I contribute?" focus |
That said... strategically bringing donuts before asking for vacation DOES work. I'm not proud, but it does.
Workplace Brownie Points: Necessary Evil?
In offices, understanding what are brownie points separates survivors from superstars. But beware:
- Visible point-chasing: Volunteers for every high-visibility task
- Invisible point-building: Fixes errors quietly before they blow up
Guess which one gets promoted? My manager once called the first type "office seagulls" - noisy and messy.
FAQs: Your Brownie Points Questions Answered
Do brownie points expire?
Absolutely. Most points lose value after 1-3 months unless it was massive (like saving someone's job). Smaller gestures last 2-4 weeks max.
Can you lose brownie points?
Oh yeah. Cancel plans last-minute (-10), blame others for mistakes (-20), steal credit (-50). Biggest offense? Keeping public score.
Are brownie points manipulative?
They can be. Healthy points are spontaneous. If you calculate ROI before helping, it's transactional, not relational.
What's worth the most brownie points?
Time-intensive acts requiring personal sacrifice: Taking someone's weekend shift, nursing sick relatives, handling bureaucratic nightmares.
Do narcissists use brownie points differently?
Totally. They overestimate points earned ("I texted you yesterday!") while ignoring debts. Classic double standard.
My Personal Brownie Point Fail
Tried impressing a date by cooking fancy squid ink pasta. Made a huge mess, stained her towels, and she was allergic to shellfish. Negative points didn't cover that disaster. Sometimes doing nothing scores better than forced gestures.
The Psychology Behind Why This Works
Brownie points tap into reciprocity bias - our hardwired urge to return favors. Harvard studies show even small gifts increase compliance by 20-50%. But researchers warn this can backfire if perceived as manipulation.
Should You Keep Track of Brownie Points?
Frankly? No. Mental accounting poisons relationships. I tried tracking with my spouse for a month. Felt like a bank manager auditing kindness. What are brownie points becoming? A toxic scorecard. Better approach:
- Give freely without expectations
- Receive gratefully without suspicion
- Balance happens naturally over time
Unless we're talking about taking out the trash. That's always worth points.
Leave a Message